i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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