So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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