I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
