she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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