I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Are my feet made of real feet?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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