She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
