And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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