remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
