Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
