I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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