Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
