we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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