I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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