Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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