So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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