Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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