Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
