69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
