took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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