More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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