She went from zero to smokin in five shots
where am i from again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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