hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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