just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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