i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
