Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
