I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The power of my boobs compel you
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
