I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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