Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
