i wish my penis had a tongue
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My vagina just recognized that song.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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