I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
