So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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