Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
