Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
