I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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