Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
