True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize