Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
