He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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