I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
