guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
