The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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