Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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