Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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