I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
