We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
