I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
