im drinking this country out of the recession.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
