meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
