she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
