Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
