So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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