It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
