two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
