This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
