lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize