you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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