I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
