he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
