More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
