You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
