At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
