It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
