shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
