Define "chronic" masturbator.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your penis caused this!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
