Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
