how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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