So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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