Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
