i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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