I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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