I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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