I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
